Allah Loves Me

This is a throwback from September 28, 2007. But it’s a great reminder to myself that Im a BOSS! And so are You. We are stronger than we believe.
Wow, it’s been 3 months since i started this blog. I thought i’d be writing on a daily basis. Ha! Well, i guess it’s time for an update.
A day or so after i started the blog, my computer crashed. It took a while to get it fixed. Once it was fixed i tried to go online and for some still unknown reason, my internet wasn’t working. So that was about 3 hours and several call sessions with the Verizon technical folks to get that issue fixed. Then procrastination set in. Well actually i couldn’t think of a darn thing to say, except to complain about my kids not giving me a moment of peace to have one complete thought. But i figured why get on the blog just to complain? By the way, i’m not complaining now, i’m actually getting to a point (slowly, but stay with me on this).
So, after muddling thru July, August hit with a bang! Did i mention i was pregnant? Well, by the time August came i was sick. I have a history of preeclampsia during pregnancy. My last child (now almost 18 months) had to be delivered by emergency C-section at 32 weeks gestation and spent 59 days in the NICU. I’ve also had two stillborns, one at full term and one at 26 weeks, plus a couple miscarriages. So i was vigilant about paying close attention to any signs of preeclampsia. Ok, back to August 1: my stomach started hurting, like indigestion. It got painful and started moving up to my right shoulder. I called the advice nurse. She said to call my doctor(it was after hours, that’s why i called her). Anyhoo, i called my doc. Got the answering service. They said they’d page the dr. on call and she’d call me back. So, i waited, and waited and waited……Maybe i’m too patient at times…..Then the pain seem to be subsiding. So i dropped it. I figured i’d go in next week to my appointment and tell my dr. about it. And at least my hands and face weren’t swelling so no preeclampsia. Day two, the pain came back worse. I called my doctor. She had me come in immediately. When I got there my blood pressure was 160/96! She told me the upper gastric pain was a sign of severe preeclampsia and I needed to go straight to the hospital. Go figure. And here i was thinking it was just really bad gas pain.
August 5, i had my second emergency C-section at just 25 weeks gestation! I had a baby girl weighing in at a whopping 1lb and 5oz. My friend and sister in Islam was with me during the surgery. I can’t even explain how much of a blessing she was to me that day. The surgery was a lot harder than the first one and she really helped me focus on Allah and His mercy. Allah puts the right people in my life just at the perfect times. Oh, I’ve gotta give thanks to all the sisters who cooked for my family while i was in the hospital. They all got together and planned meals so my kids wouldn’t think they were totally abandoned. MashAllah. I love you all fisabilillah (for the sake of Allah).
After i left the hospital, my mother came from California to help me and my husband with our two small children (4 yrs, and 1 yr). She was another blessing because I could hardly walk, bend, or lift after the C. So she helped a lot. A week after i came home, we moved house. So in just 2 days after she came we packed up the house and my husband and my older son moved us into a house right near the masjid (another blessing, gotta keep counting um ya know).
Shortly after, we got a call that my 93 yr old grandmother, who lives with my mom was in the hospital. So now, my Mom who came to help me was trying to manage my grandma’s hospital care from across the country. And we now had our youngest and our oldest family members in the hospital.
Time came for Mommy to leave and with her went my older son. He’s moved with her to attend school there and be of some help to my parents who are getting older and need help with things around the house. Plus my grandma is coming home Saturday and will need a lot of attention. May Allah reward his efforts. But i miss him soooooo much. He’s my first born. He’s been a constant in my world for so long. He’s my buddy. Now we talk daily on the phone, but if you’ve ever kissed one of your kids and sent them off….i dunno, to live somewhere else or to college or something, you feel that emptiness even though you know they’re just a phone call away. But i’m managing.
My daughter (Hanan) is in the NICU and weighs 2lbs 15 oz. She’s had minimal problems so far, alhamdulillah (praise to Allah). I’m getting into a routine homeschooling my 4 yr old, while my 1yr old throws tantrums in the background (what are you gonna do?). We’re all just patiently persevering.
So this brings me to my point of the day that these are all signs that Allah loves me. Because He has sent me tests so that i can remember Him and be patient.
Allah says in the Qur’an:
وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوفْ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الأَمَوَالِ وَالأنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ
And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient,
الَّذِينَ إِذَا أَصَابَتْهُم مُّصِيبَةٌ قَالُواْ إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ
Who, when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.”
أُولَئِكَ عَلَيْهِمْ صَلَوَاتٌ مِّن رَّبِّهِمْ وَرَحْمَةٌ وَأُولَئِكَ هُمُ الْمُهْتَدُونَ
Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided.